


Love Yours

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Pre-Slash, it's based off of the song "Love Yourz" by J Cole, kind of a songfic but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about four boys from the Karasuno Volleyball team, about how there is beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success, listening to signals of distress, and learning there is truly no life better than yours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ugliness in the Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyema Tobio. Being amazing at everything, people always expected the most of him. They never thought he could fail at anything at all and if he did, he would be a disappointment. That’s what pushed him, gave him a mentality that he needed to be perfect, ending up hurting others in the process. His parents and friends are sick of his tendencies; friends abandon him, yet he is still a genius setter. He learns and he lives.

He was broken ceramic pieces, tied together by thinly knotted strings, and people loved to call it abstract art.

 

“Kageyama Tobio, one of the best players Kitagawa Daiichi! He is our team’s genius setter, and you might as well consider him a volleyball prodigy. We’re here to recognize his athletic excellence in today’s tournament. I’ve been wanting to give him this award for quite a while, but his performances in the matches against the two schools definitely proved this to be a perfect time.” Coach Katashi patted him on the back, but Kageyama only felt the heat that had risen to his cheeks. Whether he played the best or not, his teammates played really well too. Kageyama thought they deserved some recognition, but his mouth was sewn shut and all he could do was smile.

 

As he sat down on the court floor next to his teammates, bright orange was all Kageyama’s peripheral view saw. He ignored it (as he did many things), and then his teammates were congratulating him. A “thank you” left his lips, however just as he was about to commemorate them as well, they found themselves in the change room with Tobio still on the gymnasium floor.

 

Kageyama returned home from the game; his parents were two large smiles and open arms, praising him with the compliments he thought to be far from deserving. They were incredibly content, so proud to have a son worthy of talking about, so Kageyama let them.

 

If the world was spinning relatively slow when he had gotten home from his game, it was spinning rapidly as he heard his parents talk about his future. The long road, the winding tunnel. The endless spiral of applications and social interaction and important scouting games and just for that night, Kageyama didn’t want to think about it. Fear molded itself into the cracks in his mind, filling holes that should be filled with flowers, not cement. It penetrated the setter’s lungs like water and Kageyama was worried. He was scared that he would let them down-his parents, his coach, his friends and his teammates. Kageyama did.

 

Kageyama’s inability to socialize became an extreme disadvantage as the days grew shorter. Worries plagued his mind yet he couldn’t say a thing. Teammates were companions whom you shared a certain level of intimacy with, especially if you were a setter. Yet throughout the evolution of prodigy Kageyama Tobio, a certain air of righteousness began to float above his crown. His teammates didn’t see someone they could trust to hit his tosses, and when the last volleyball hit the ground with nobody to receive it, Kageyama Tobio realized that he was alone. He was desperately alone, with nobody to trust him, nobody to rely on him. He was unnecessary for victory and a waste of talent, and he felt the despicable wickedness that came alongside success.

 

When Kageyama Tobio graduated, his parents were clapping at the back of the auditorium, but all he hears is silence and all he feels is the gaze that means _joy, Kageyama’s finally gone_. He trips on his way up the stage stairway, and then he leaves the school building for good. The abundance of time, the passion he had summoned out of nothing and gave to volleyball was wasted, all because he was misunderstood. Kageyama wished someone would understand.

 

He walks into the smell of air salonpas and a giddy feeling tugs at his chest. He’s at Karasuno High School now, and for a moment he forgets the guilt he has for not being at Shiratorizawa. When the volleyball is twirled in his palm for the first time in two weeks, he wants to smile. Instead, he throws the ball in the air, and he believes his happiness can be portrayed through the way it flawlessly hits the opposite end of the court. Jump serve after jump serve, Kageyama is alone but he doesn’t feel like it this time. He thinks could get used to this, and just as he jumps one more time, with a little more precision and a pinch more determination, he is interrupted _._

There is a bubbling anger that sits at the bottom of his chest but when he shifts his eyes to the startling presence, he is shocked. About five feet in front of him stands a five-foot orange-haired ball of energy. He recognizes him almost instantly, however not memories of the boy himself. Kageyama recalls the night where he received too much praise, where all of his hard work was thrown away because of his teammates lacking the praise he seemed to receive too much of.

 

Although Hinata resembles the blaze of a burning heat, there is a fire in Kageyama’s soul. They fight and they argue, and to Tanaka and Sugawara, they will never be good partners.

 

A boy who was underestimated because of his height spends a majority of the following days flying, and the boy who underestimated him watches him soar. As they practice, Kageyama continues to refuse to pass to Hinata. He’s scared, fearful of passing too hard, too far, too quick for the excitable athlete, so he doesn’t. He pushes him away the way others did him, but just as the volleyball begins its descent onto Kageyama’s fingertips, he feels it. It fills his chest like a heavy weight, a need so intense only one’s who have felt it can relate to, and then he passes to Hinata.

 

It’s unexpected and it’s untimely, but Hinata receives it regardless. He’s leaping with all of his might and beads of sweat fall from his forehead like the rain. There’s an audible _smack_ and the sound of the ball hitting the gymnasium floor, with the cheering of the smaller teenager beside him. All Kageyama sees is determination, agility, and a smile larger than Hinata’s face should be able to hold. After that comes respect, a bond that no other pair in the world could feel.

 

Seasons change and the days fall shorter, and the growing strength of an incredible duo creeps up on rivaling teams as if they were an incoming hurricane. They built up slowly, increasing in vehemence, and destroyed anything in their way. The only ones who are left are those who choose to ride it.

 

“Can you imagine the day where we are known to the world? We will be praised, and appreciated. I know we’re appreciated by the team, but I’m so excited for when people root just for _us_.”

 

“I think we should play Volleyball because of our love for it, not for recognition or some sort of award.”

 

“So do I! But I’ve never been rewarded for doing something I love the way you have, Kageyama. I just want to know what it feels like. What does it feel like?”

  
Kageyama pauses.

 

“There’s ugliness in the success.” He replies. It doesn’t sound egotistical, or cold, and Hinata glances at his setter. He thinks he understands, but he for once in his life, he doesn’t feel the need to reply.

 

At times, Kageyama wishes to live the way Hinata lives; a life with nothing but pure ambition and motivation. _Hinata’s family supports him. He has a cute baby sister, so he’s never alone. His mom is one of the kindest people Kageyama has ever met, and he is positive Hinata’s father is a hardworking man. Hinata’s parents love each other, and they love their hardworking son. Hinata is the life in every room he steps foot in. There is never a dull moment with him, because all he wants is to leave a footprint in the world. He’s left slightly more than a footprint in Kageyama’s, however he’d never let Hinata know._

Kageyama believes he has Hinata figured out- a puzzle piece you put together. When you put all of the components of Hinata’s life; volleyball, meat buns, Natsu, friends, Kageyama, into a single view, that that is Hinata Shouyou.

 

When they’re practicing late in the gym on a Thursday, Hinata gets a phone call from a number he’s only ever seen once or twice. When Hinata’s rustling about, eyebrows furrowed in concern and whispering incoherent replies, Kageyama brushes it off. When Hinata picks up his bag and runs out the door, shouting that he will call Kageyama at a later hour, Kageyama thinks Natsu called to tell Hinata that he was missing his favourite cheesy anime. With this belief in mind, he smiles to himself, and truly wishes to live a life as beautiful yet offbeat as Hinata’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> constructive criticism and general comments are always welcome ^_^ <3


	2. Beauty in the Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's lesson on how a surface image can be incredibly different than the picture that lies beneath it, the realization that your family is all you have though even then it is quite shitty, and a baby crow who believed it could and succeeded.

“Shouyou?” The sound of his distressed baby sister puts a feeling in his stomach worse than those before his games. He’s trying to distance himself from Kageyama as subtly as possible, anxious that he would suspect something of Hinata’s antics.

 

“Natsu? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m scared, Shou.” Her tiny hand cups the home telephone’s speaker and trembling lips muffle it, but Hinata hears her loud and clear. He automatically recognizes the reason behind her fear; the way things haven’t been the same since his father was fired from his job eight months prior.

 

“I’m coming, Natsu. Just go to my room and wait there okay? Be there in fifteen minutes, I love you.” He hangs up, and there stands Kageyama, oblivious as ever. Hinata’s glad though, happy that his friend doesn’t have to deal with what he deals with. _Kageyama’s always wearing a stone glare, one that scares most people. Behind the glare, I think there’s amusement sometimes. Maybe even happiness._

 

Hinata says something inaudible to Tobio, and then is running out the gymnasium doors, rushing to comfort his little sister, to protect her from the sounds he is yet to be able to shield himself from.

 

When he arrives to his house, he climbs through his bedroom window. Since they began their “disagreements”, he’s made little patterns, a blueprint for his house. _If mom comes home late, they fight in the living room. If dad comes home late, they argue in the kitchen. If they’re both home, it’s in the master bedroom or in the hallway._ It was a routine, unexpectedly sneaking its way into Hinata’s mind, and although unwanted, it was helpful.

 

He can’t show anxiety now. He can’t show the feelings he feels when they’re yelling at the top of their lungs, when they’re fighting so much they forget their children, _or maybe they just remember them too often._

 

Hinata opens the bedroom window, shuffling in and opening his arms to give Natsu a hug. Most times, he is home by the time his parents start. He’s usually quick to grab his baby sister, bringing her to his room and making her giggle with an off-tune cover of her favourite anime or reading her a bedtime story. Tonight was different, and when she trembles in his arms, he wishes that he had went home sooner.

 

Minutes pass, as do song renditions and generic lullabies. Natsu faintly smiles, but there are more sniffles than laughs and Hinata is unsure of what to do.

 

He takes this time to gaze at Natsu. Beneath him lies a spitting image of himself. Disheveled, orange hair sits atop a restless head. Honey coloured eyes are puffy, yet incredibly bright with hope. She looks so innocent, and slightly confused. It sparks a light in Hinata’s heart that he has never felt. She takes up so much of his life, amongst other things, and he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to not have his baby sister around. In the midst of maelstrom, Hinata feels gratitude. His parents are fighting everyday, albeit two to three times a day, and while he is confused, angry, and tired, he is thankful. In front of him sits a person who is only here because of his parents and he thinks he wants to thank them.

 

“Nii-chan. Are you okay?” _He’s not._

 

“Of course. Do you want me to tell you a story?” She nods, and shuffles to curl up into a ball, ready to fall asleep halfway through his narration.

 

“Once upon a time, a great kingdom floated in the sky. Reined by eagles, the night sky knew nothing but the battles of the eagles and the hunters. In the daytime, there was radiating beauty, shining like sunshine as every eagle lived in peace and harmony. Every day, eagles tended to their young ones, and went hunting for food. But in the middle of the kingdom and the forests below it, there was a baby crow. He was tiny, and inferior to the King eagle and his peasants. Despite this, the crow was very strong. As mornings fell shorter, the crow grew stronger, flapping its wings, knowing very well that one day it would soar. Everybody underestimated him, thinking that he would never be able to fly beside the eagles, because of the way he looked. That he was too small, too insignificant to be a mighty warrior of the sky. One day, when the crow was flapping its wings above the ground, the righteous king swooped down beside him. He was shocked, and definitely scared of the figure that loomed above him, but he held his ground nonetheless. The king did not make his peasants cower below him, nor did he kill what was in his way of the prey he needed to get. Instead, he gave the crow a chance. A chance of a lifetime, and promised that he would be able to soar, as long as he did it beside the king. So they relied on each other, ignoring the comments of those around them as the king and the small crow fight others together, building their kingdom and becoming stronger everyday. As the winter approached them and the birds began their trek south, they stayed. When the snow covered their wings like weights, they shook them off and flew farther. On the first day of spring, they reached the top of the mountain, _the summit._ They couldn’t believe their eyes, everything they had ever worked for right in front of them. They did it, and they did it together. The crow was invincible. They were invincible.”

 

Hinata knows Natsu had fallen asleep three quarters through his miniature tale. Her light snores sounded its way around his room, but he continued to tell the story. Then he’s crying, crying because stories are fiction, _they aren’t real. Hinata was never going to be the little giant._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my poor smol son shouyou :( i hope you all enjoyed this chapter ^_^ if you'd like, leave a comment below on what you thought of it! all constructive criticism is welcome, no matter how small or large. <3


	3. Hear My Words and Listen to My Signals of Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima Kei-quiet, very quiet. Maybe only two or three sentences out of his mouth per day, except when he is talking to his best friend. Not even he knows though, about how Tsuki is able to hide through the screen of his phone and reclusive attitude, to really understand what is going on in his life. That he can’t seem to get a grip, can’t seem to keep his feet on the ground and all he wants is to be heard but all he shouts is a whisper. Tsukishima Kei lets the music speak for him.

The music in his ears is loud but his voice is the opposite. He walks to school with his hands in his pockets and if he took of his headphones, the world would be silent around him. Cars pass by sometimes and the sound of his feet crunching the gravel is there but he wonders what the sounds are like in a place other than this. _Do children yell playfully in the backyards of homes? Is there a sound of wind gusting against branches in forests?_ He takes his mind away from those thoughts with a song heard in a CD store the other week. There is a specific serenity in the music, one that he couldn’t feel with outdoor noise. Some believe it to be peculiar; how Tsukishima was one of the calmest, most quiet people they have ever met yet music screams into his eardrums.

 

Tsukishima knows that he isn’t quiet, or shy. He knows that he only chooses to speak so little because others choose to listen just the same. Tsukishima knows he isn’t reclusive, he knows that he is vibrant, and outspoken. He wants to participate and he’s ready to, but there is a weed among flowers in his spine, rooted into his soul unable to pull out. He wants to break out, leave the shell that encases him so tightly, but it’s difficult. So he doesn’t try, and instead, relies on combinations of harmonies and notes to break out for him.

 

He pulls his phone out of his Karasuno Volleyball jacket pocket, opening the message log to the only number he has memorized.

 

[Tsukishima]: Hey

 

[Yamaguchi]: Hey tsookie! How are you :-)

 

They chat about everything from Kageyama and Hinata’s bizarre relationship, to volleyball and university. What Tsukishima doesn’t mention, is the way he wants to be just like Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi isn’t quiet, but he isn’t too bubbly either ( _like Hinata_ ). Yamaguchi is kind and always happy. He never wants something too much that he hurts others in the process of getting it, however he has goals and ambitions, a quality the tall blonde athlete is jealous of.

 

They continue to talk, about how they were able to become friends in this world of pandemonium. How Tsukishima may have never met his best friend had he never walked past the commotion arising between Yamaguchi and his bullies. What Tsukishima fails to mention is the cries of distress he feels. He fails to mention his wish to put his thoughts into speech rather than binary codes.

 

Tsukishima goes to Yamaguchi’s house after Volleyball practice today and another one of his favourite songs plays on the kitchen radio. It’s so faint that they can hear their utensils hitting the bento box, but loud enough that it fills the daunting silence between them. _It’s just Yamaguchi, I can talk. This is a perfect time for me to say something._

 

Tsukishima’s lips open and his best friend’s eyes meet his, but no words come out. Instead, Yamaguchi’s lips form a smile that seems different the ones he gives to Tsukishima every time they are together. _Disappointment. Tadashi is sad that I’m not talking. He’s upset because he knows I can be saying so many things, the way we do late at night and early in the morning._ Tsuki smiles in reciprocation anyway.

 

He ends the day the same way he started it. His headphones cup his ears and lyrics swim in his mind like fish in the sea; they were meant to be there. There’s not a moving thing in front of him, and for a while everyone’s busy, messy lives are hidden in the unlit houses adjacent to him. Tsukishima is left with the music, the moonlight, and has left his best friend, with nothing but his thoughts to accompany him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like we all relate to kei, even then i still wanna give him a hug ;-; <3


	4. No Such Thing as a Life That's Better than Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi Tadashi: Insecure, always wanted to be something large. He was decently talented, more like a jack-of-all-trades instead of a master of one. He wanted to succeed, it picked at his bones like the winter air at his skin, yet despite his ten-foot mental leap he tripped over his legs. In the midst of insecurity he finds refuge in the arms of his best friend and realizes that there isn’t a life that is better than his, whether he would learn to believe it or not.

Yamaguchi watches the one he is in love with through the window by his front door, until he is nothing but a silhouette amongst the darkness.

 

First, he feels sadness; the kind that eats at his heart. It’s confusing, because next, he feels happiness; the kind that makes his heart swell the way a bump would after falling. Third, he feels sick; nauseous to his stomach, and he’s unsure if its because he’s happy just by talking to Tsukishima or due to the fact that he’s sad when he has no reason to be.

 

Yamaguchi’s life is filled to the brim with blessings. A beautiful home, inhabited by hardworking parents, a lovely older sister, and a bed that keeps him _(and occasionally Tsukishima)_ warm. What more could you possibly ask for? The answer is nothing, and that seems to be the problem.

 

His mother and father try hard to love their children while making the money that pays for his home. He sees their tired eyes when they greet him in the night, and hears the sighs that leave their dry lips when they finally get into bed. He recognizes the feeling of reclusiveness that surrounds them on a rainy Sunday; he knows it because he sees it in his best friend every day of the week (even when it’s sunny). He wants nothing more than to help them, and maybe that’s why he feels as if this still is not enough.

 

His sister is a shining light in the darkness. She gives a lot, even when she doesn’t have a lot to give, and Tadashi believes that to be because of the fortune cookie she received when she was twelve, reading “One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.” When he arrives home after volleyball practice, content but a little empty, she welcomes him with a funny film and a bowl of leftovers. She cares for Yamaguchi and she loves him dearly, because that’s what families do, but when he hears her crying over failed tests and fights, he only wishes he could do the same.

 

In school, he has decent grades. They don’t prevent him from playing volleyball and they aren’t disappointing to his parents. To Yamaguchi, it will never be enough. An average life, something he’s been worried about having since he was little but seems to be his current situation. Many times he wonders what an average life is, however he seems to have found the definition. He’s not a genius, and he isn’t unintelligent. He’s just average.

 

 _I am incredibly mediocre in Volleyball, too._ Jump float serves in times of desperation, and sometimes they don’t even work. That’s all Tadashi is on the team- a last resort, a worst-case scenario. He continues to believe this until he sees it as a fact, and until he is shocked everytime Daichi calls his name to be a substitute, as if it were something unprecedented. There is a feeling of family everytime he walks into the clubroom, but Yamaguchi feels like the family dog, not a beloved sibling. He wants to be _more_.

 

Perhaps Yamaguchi Tadashi’s life is a blessing. It’s a collection of happy things and happy people, all of which some would die to have. _Take it,_ he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was quite short, but i just wanted to add that i am 110% of the protect yamaguchi tadashi squad. my poor bby. i hope you enjoyed ^_^


	5. The Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's 2am, but Kageyama and Hinata don't let time get in the way of their thoughts and each other.

Kageyama and Hinata are almost always together, so when Kageyama punches his wall as hard as he can, he imagines Hinata. It hurts more that way. His fingers curl up in pain and he’s bent over for two minutes, and he wonders if his parents were too asleep to hear the noise or too careless to be concerned. 

The punch is impulsive and immediately regretted, much like an array of things in his life. It throbs, but it directs the pain that has been focused on his heart to his hand instead. He felt relieved that the feeling that bound his chest as if they were vines was now gone, instead he was frustrated. Kageyama wanted nothing more than to be anything but this. He wants to smile the way Hinata does, not only when descends from their freak quick but also how he smiles when Kageyama calls him by his first name. He wants to laugh the way his best friend does when he’s grabbing him by the head and screaming profanities, something that was once so spiteful but is now so amusing.

He finds himself thinking about Hinata a lot, so he goes for a walk with his bruised hand tucked softly in his right hoodie pocket. Soon he finds himself in the park that connects his enclave to many others spread throughout his neighbourhood. His phone reads 2:47am, but he dials the number regardless of the worry that he would answer aggravated, annoyed that Kageyama had disturbed his peace.

Hinata answers on the first ring. Not because he had been eagerly awaiting a phone call late at night from his one true love, rather Hinata had been awake researching, multiple tabs open with articles titled “How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship: Five Signs”, and others in relation. Hinata finds safety during these hours of the night. Natsu’s finally asleep, his dad is out of the house and his mom is quiet (he prays she is getting some rest, too). Due to this, he’s definitely surprised by Kageyama’s call, however because of the person he is, they talk smoothly, as if their lives weren’t a mess and like they shouldn’t have been sleeping.

He’s soon out the door, wearing his pajama bottoms and a pullover from a souvenir shop he passed by on a trip to America. His baby sister continues to snore, and for a few hours she’s free to do what she pleases. No worries about the life that seems to crumble around her, instead dreaming endlessly, letting her imaginative, young mind get the best of her slumber. 

The soil is his mattress, slightly squishy and giving off the odour of recent rainfall. His shoulder is lightly touching Kageyama’s, and they’re gazing up at the vastness above them. For a moment, everything seems right.

Kageyama starts off their conversation. His voice is croaky and quiet, it’s meant to be a normal question but it is delivered as a whisper.

“Do you ever doubt yourself?” Hinata looks at him like he has six eyes.

“Of course I do. Doesn’t everyone?”

“I wouldn’t really expect you to be the type though. You always seem so confident.” He’s staring at Hinata now; their eyes share a gaze unrecognizable.

“I get all bwoaah. I know I have our quick attacks to rely on, and that Karasuno is on our side, but I can’t help feeling like the underdog. And that’s okay, but sometimes I just want to feel something more than doing well “for someone like me”. I want to be the best, so that people expect it from me instead of having to prove that I’m a decent player constantly, you know?”

Kageyama has never been good with words, yet Hinata knows he understands.

“How are things outside of volleyball?” The question almost seems absurd and for a moment Kageyama wonders why he had asked it. They were always talking about quick attacks and rivaling teams. To be so personal was peculiar despite their blooming friendship.

“It’s f-uh, Natsu-well, I mean…it’s not good.” The two teenagers sat in the middle of a park with an abundance of oxygen that is there’s to take, however the air felt tight and thick. 

“Want to talk about it?” Kageyama asked. Kageyama wanted Hinata to talk about it. So when Hinata said yes, his attention became fully focused on the shorter boy. He was sitting up now, his body facing Hinata’s and the moonlight glimmering on his pupils. 

“My dad lost his job almost eight months ago. For the first week, everything was good. Optimism was all my family felt and my parents weren’t worried. The first bill came, then the second, and soon my dinner table was a pile of unpaid bills and beer. My parents just started fighting every night, now they do it every day, even in the daytime. I don’t give a shit anymore; I stopped caring when they fought on Christmas. It’s only been months but it feels like forever and I’m only worried for Natsu. I just want her to be okay. I don’t want her to have memories of screaming and a drunk father; I want her to have memories of laughter and hugs. If I’m the only one who’s able to give it to her than fine, I just want her to receive it.” Hinata leaves out the part where he wanted to begin his volleyball career with open arms and smiles but instead, welcomed with angry tears and insults spewed. He leaves out the feeling he gets when he wants to be praised and appreciated because anything’s better than fighting but when Kageyama leans over and hugs him, telling him everything’s okay and that he’s here for him, he believes that maybe fighting with a partner isn’t so bad. 

“What about you, Kageyama? Are you okay?” It’s asked gently, as though words will crack the already fragile shell protecting the setter.

“I wanted to be like you.”

“Huh?”

“I wanted to act the way you did; a ball of light, radiating energy to every room you stepped in. In winter, you brought warmth, people constantly being around you because they enjoy your presence. In the summer, you’re the sun, providing happiness to those who choose to walk by you. I wanted that so bad, for so long I hated how cold I was. My inability to be a good person, it hurts because I want to be a good person and I know I can but I can’t even hold a conversation with someone other than you.” He’s out of breath when he finishes his ramble, and his cheeks are flushed pink (it’s visible, even in the dark).

“I think you do, though. Maybe not through grins and compliments, but you encourage me to be a better person! You play so awesome and you make me go shoop, and gwaaa! You don’t even encourage me purely on the court. Everyday you make me focus a little harder, read a little longer, and participate a little more! I want to be better than you, and I think we help each other be awesome!” Hinata’s eyes are big, and they resemble acorns-Kageyama snorts at his attempt at a cheesy thought.

“Don’t say that, you dumbass.” 

“I was just being nice!”

“Exactly!”

While Natsu sleeps between them, and the stars illuminate their surroundings, they feel less distressed. Although they had found themselves earlier that morning wishing desperately to share parts of their lives with each other, in attempt to balance the mess that lay in their hands, they found themselves sharing their lips instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smol birb smooches. (^з^)-☆


	6. No Such Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not effervescent or vivacious, but it happens nonetheless. That alone is good enough.

Kei didn’t leave Tadashi’s house the way he normally would. It wasn’t nonchalant, it was his heart thumping and his legs felt heavier than they should. Unfinished business is what it was, and Kei felt desperate to no longer let his mouth stay sutured shut. For the first time, his cries of distress wouldn’t go unheard; for the first time, he was going to yell them out loud, an avalanche of words coming for his best friend.

 

Tadashi felt strange as well. He remembers the way he smiled at Tsuki, how it was tired, exhausted and yearning for touch, but the way it was ignored. He wanted to tell Tsuki about his problems believing they’d seem more real, more significant if they were voiced out loud. He wanted to listen to Tsuki so he’d feel like a true friend, something more than average Tadashi, despite the fact that he was already so much.

 

They meet in the middle, halfway through the walkway towards Tadashi’s front door, so they sit on the ground. Kei’s headphones are wrapped around his neck and soon he’s talking, the way he would through text messages and Tadashi’s listens in awe.

 

“I think I’m going to try and talk a lot more this year, not just to you. I also want to try and show more enthusiasm towards things I love. I’m sorry if it didn’t seem like I cared before. You’re my best friend. When I’m angry, you’re there for me, despite my impulsive and hurtful words. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. You’re everything I wanted to be but never were, and I find myself pulling you closer to me because I want you. Not just because you’re cool or kind but also because you’re my best friend.”

 

Tadashi wants to cry. Instead, he’s a blabbering mess of _thank you’s_ and compliments in reciprocation. Headphones are placed on his ears. When the music begins playing, Tadashi thinks he understands why Kei spends countless hours with it playing.

 

_It's beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success_

_Hear my words or listen to my signal of distress_

_For what's money without happiness?_

_Or hard times without the people you love_

_Though I'm not sure what's 'bout to happen next_

_I asked for strength from the Lord up above_

_Cause I've been strong so far_

_But I can feel my grip loosening_

_Quick, do something before you lose it for good_

_Get it back and use it for good_

_And touch the people how you did like before_

_I'm tired of living with demons cause they always inviting more_

_No such thing as a life that’s better than yours (x3)_

_No such thing, no such thing._

_Love yours._

 

When the song ends, Tadashi looks at Kei with more emotion Kei has ever been able to depict from a person. It’s a realization, a knowing look that this life they have been given truly is rare, and that it isn’t often you find a best friend who understands you the way they do each other.

 

Maybe it’s the way Tadashi’s pink lips quiver while he speaks about his craving to be more than ordinary, or how his head feels pressed against Kei’s chest as he mumbles about what could be. On this night, they understand each other greater than they ever have and they kiss.

 

The kiss isn’t pretty. It doesn’t turn into a heated makeout session, perfectly fitting mouths molding together. Instead, it’s rogue tears falling from eyelashes onto chapped lips, panting against the taste of cheap toothpaste. It’s clogged noses from crying and dry tongues from speaking too much, but it’s everything they want. The knowledge that life is horrible, sad, tragic and jarring hits them like tidal waves, but they understand that it’s the only life that they will ever get. And they can wallow in the pity they feel for themselves and that Kageyama and Hinata feel for themselves or they can join in on the chaos.

 

Years later when they’ve graduated and they wake up to freckles and blonde hair, Kei and Tadashi are happy they chose the latter. _There truly is no life better than yours._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end ^_^  
> i really hope you enjoyed this! writing about four characters was tough so i hope i didn't completely disappoint :)  
> remember, comments + constructive criticism are always welcome! have a lovely day everybody, thanks for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism and general comments are always welcome ^_^ <3


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